Yup, that’s the question. Not necessarily an everyday question, but this is a question that has been nagging at me, irritating me, & BUGGING me so, that I could not sleep well this week. I really thought it was Yahweh awaking me to pray, so I’ll turn over and start praying, talking, thinking about people, life situations, the person’s names that is in my prayer box, any and everything I could think of until I would fall asleep. BUT GUESS WHAT? I would wake up again; like what is going on?!? I wanted so badly to sleep because I had to go to work in the AM hours and I didn’t want to be tired. So, I started praying again. I think that’s what Yah is trying to tell me…well is it? So with 3 days of sleepless nights, I wanted to know what was going on. I’ve been deep in the Father’s Word here lately because I can’t be caught off guard anymore! I do not have the TIME to be off track, but evidently, somewhere along this path, I’ve swayed. “Father what is it? What are you trying to tell me? You’ve recently opened my eyes to my Gift/Calling so what more can you have for me. Am I not going about it the right way?” These are the questions that I’ve been asking myself. Due to my, Jasmyne that is, human nature, I DO NOT take change EASILY! Nope, NOT AT ALL! I may look like it on the outside, but I’m writing to be TRANSPARENT! In the inside I’m dying, my life support is about to end, and I’m about to take my last breath because change has happened! YES, really! It’s that SERIOUS! That’s exactly how I feel.
Let me give you 2 examples: I TRULY HATE my natural hair. I DO NOT like wearing it out and when I do, it has to be a wash & go because I don’t like doing ANYTHING to it. I’m not the most confident with this thin edges, 3 types of hair textured, tight-coiled mess, that will not braid like I want it to so I can ACHIEVE the better looking weaved-up style that will put my real hair to shame hairstyle that I WANT for my birthday. Y’all got that??? GOOD J Well, as you can read, I tried to do my hair last night and let us say I was in tears almost and the anger inside had taken over. I started throwing clips, tossing combs, tugging hard at my hair as if it can do anything. What can I CHANGE by doing all that? Nothing at all. (By the way, when I was younger I asked God, “Why can’t I have hair like the little white girls. They don’t have to get their hair hot combed and get burnt on the neck and ears. They don’t have to sit for a long time and get their hair braided.” I asked those questions. ) Anyhow, I Glided a few of my sisters and explained my disgust. You want to know the answer I got, “EMBRACE your natural hair”. Ugh, Honey and Taiese that was not the answer I was looking for, but what could I do. Needless to say, I have a wash & go today.
Also, this morning, I have to use 10 trip cards to get on the commuter bus every morning and because this morning I was aggravated with my hair, it slipped my mind to get another card of my dresser. Guess when I realized that? You’re correct, when I was at the mall with my car parked & the bus is to come in 6 minutes. Now, I live 8 minutes from the mall and I knew I wouldn’t have time to go back home and come back. I DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE UP AND USE MY MONEY TO GET HOME! I can use my money for FOOD! I didn’t ask for this day to start like this!!! But what can I do? Nothing? I have to embrace the fact that I have to pay with cash and it’s really going to be okay. Really Jasmyne, it’s going to be ALRIGHT.
NO! I don’t like change. Change seems to mess up everything! Everything is fine when it’s done the way I’m used to. I like working in a “habitual habit” atmosphere. LOL J I know how everything is going to go, how everything is going to pan out, & exactly how to stop conflict so there will be NO CHANGES to EMBRACE. Yes, that’s the life I live, right? Betcha by golly wow, it’s just the opposite.
Now, back to the beginning. I haven’t been myself this week because of sleepless nights up praying, talking, & thinking. From the above stories I bet you can tell I don’t like change. HINT, HINT. It didn’t hit me until I talked to my Great-Uncle yesterday that I have to embrace the change for the job Yahweh has given me! I explained to my Great-Uncle that I do not remember asking the Father for this job. I thought my calling was helping people physically, “not the early in the morning, break my sleep, and my Spirit will not rest until you’ve blessed their soul and mines” help. Then he reminded of this tape I made when I was 7 years old. On the tape, he told me that I was “God-blessing” everyone. I wanted everyone to love the Lord like I did. I wanted to see everyone filled with the Holy Ghost. I wanted to always “pray like we did the other day”. I have a great love for people and the way I expressed it was through prayer, not always with my mouth, but sometimes through my heart, which only the Father knows what’s there. Ding, ding, ding…I could not sleep well because I didn’t EMBRACE what HE is calling me to do. So with all that has been stated, I’ve EMBRACED my calling & gift as a Prayer Warrior and Encourager! I said I was not equipped for this change to my Great-Uncle, but what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing but EMBRACE what HE has prepared already for me.
Jasmyne J. (Jazzi J or Jazz or J or Bubbly…LOL!)
Hebrews 13:21King James Version (KJV)
21 Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well-pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Hebrews 13:21 New Living Translation (NLT)
21 may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.
(This writing was orginally written on August 8, 2014.)
Photo Courtsey of Embrace Change Lettering on Behance